So…you woke up this morning, went to work and a colleague asked you how your mom enjoyed Mother’s Day. Whoops! I guess you forgot that, but not to fear I have a painless remedy that will ensure you a healthy inheritance. See, there are those people that never get that card to you on time. The Christmas cards arrive on January 3; the birthday card always has a belated message, arriving two days late; and, there is always the cliché when a man forgets his anniversary.
Possibly, your best bet is to fake an illness; I’ve tried it at work and it seemed okay. This, however should only be used if your mom lives too far away to have brought you chicken soup. Damn the medical science suggesting it may be good for you, the fact is that somehow it tastes good even if it only stays down for two minutes. Nothing is worse than when vomit is not room temperature, i.e. something cold, something hot. A better choice really is too fake your child’s illness. No one seems to doubt the fact that a child has an illness that would include excessive bodily fluids, etc. Daughter, God bless her, only has had “the vomit” twice. Once, of course, in her bed during the middle of the night when wife and I raced to wash the sheets, pacify the girl, and then try to get her back to sleep with a bucket next to her head.
Your second choice is to send her an electronic card the next day. Call her on Monday and ask her how she enjoyed her card. If she didn’t check her email and she is not too technically savvy, she might fail to notice that the received date is today. This can definitely work better on the geriatric set who still think the abacus is ruining the math skills of today’s “young’ins”. Brother-in-law has sent a birthday card or two in this manner. Luckily, wife is so glad he remembered at all, she can overlook its tardiness. If however, she notices the date, simply rely on the overused “my internet was down” excuse that I get from 20% of my students the day a paper is due.
If your laggardly behavior gets you into trouble, and you seem to forget the special days you are supposed to remember, set a freaking reminder on your iPhone. Coming from me, I sound like I pulled off this past Sunday without a hitch, but Saturday night out after dinner, we had to stop at a grocery store where I sent wife down another aisle as I picked out the cards quickly from my children. Prior to dinner, though, daughter reminded me to send an edible arrangement with chocolate covered strawberries. Yet again, I made it through another holiday without disappointing anyone. Whew!